DelightStruck

My nephew texted earlier this week and asked if he could interview me for a homework project. Little did I know the question coming wasn't an easy one, and it would bring tears and hard memories. He said he was supposed to ask someone over 30 and not his parents about the biggest challenge in their life. I advised I'd need a bit to think on that. It didn't take long. I was able to pinpoint it easily. Infertility. Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I never knew it wouldn't come easy. Coach Man and I struggled for five years to have a child. During our struggle, I often couldn't understand why God was withholding my heart's desires and how other women, made a choice, and just threw away the gift of motherhood like no biggie. What I would have given for that child that they didn't want. Hey, girl, over here! Give it to me. I'll love the heck out of that baby! Really, I will. During those years, all I could see around me was pregnan...

I can't. You can. I'm going to let you. This has been my daily prayer over the past year. I was exhausted from trying to always be in control, to be what or who I felt everyone wanted me to be, to "fix" everything for everyone around me and always feeling like I was fighting an uphill battle. And that hill was pretty much a series of overgrown mountains, and I was wearing flip flops. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I've got flaws. Did you gasp? Ha! I can see my sister nodding her head right now - saying oh yes she does! Yep, I've got them, just like all of us. It's called being human. I'm just finally willing to talk about them. I'm a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist. A perfectionist that couldn't perfect herself no matter how hard she tried over the years. I struggle with negative self-talk. I hate to feel like I've failed at anything. I beat myself up over it. Over the course of my life, I've let f...

"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice." - T.S. Eliot. I've been pondering my word of the year for 2020 with my trusty coffee cup in hand. Contentment keeps rising to the top. Last year was conquer. I recall a previous year being create. I think I might have a thing for words beginning with C. We'll see if the trend continues next year. I always ponder the definition of the word before I settle 100% on it. I mull it around, pray about it and discern if it's where the Holy Spirit leading me. Contentment  -  /kənˈtentmənt/ noun a state of happiness and satisfaction Yes, indeed, contentment is the word for 2020! Looking back, little did I realize what conquer would bring my way in 2019. It was a perfectly placed word for so many reasons. I learned so much about about myself in 2019, and oh did I conquer quite a few things. I conquered turning 40! I was finally honest with myself...

My Dad wasn't the kind of cute Father's Day memes or quaint Norman Rockwell paintings. He wasn't the greatest at all. There were times I hated him and many times I didn't understand him, but sprinkled in all that, there were times he made me smile - truly grin. To those out there with baggage and scars from those growing up years - I see you. I understand you. Days like today can be hard, if you only focus on the hard, the bad, the sad or what you missed. Instead, I have something for you to ponder. Find a happy moment, a single moment that makes you smile so very big and let the rest go. You're only hurting yourself by hanging on to all of the negative so tightly. Focus on a single joy. Mine - hot fudge nutty nutty. In the last few years I've finally come to clearly realize that my Dad wasn’t capable of being the man his wife needed him to be, nor his children. He was broken in so many ways and flawed like ALL of us. He was human. Sometimes I think we ...

So my friend Mary is pretty chill. She's never self-seeking - actually she's pretty selfless. She's kind of quiet and always gives things considerable thought. She's seen amazing things in her life and endured incredible hardships and losses too. She was even a teen mom before MTV made it cool. She's grieved the lost of a child too. Even with those life experiences, she's always cheerful. I don't know how she does it. She's ever the encouraging and the most loving friend too. And get this! She prays for me - like all the time - almost like she has nothing better to do. Plus, she's happy to give a mama a gentle reality check in the most effective ways. So this past Tuesday I was being a total sh**. I was in a complete mood, and I was letting everyday life get to me in the worst way. We've had a lot going on in our life this last year. Possibly I was due for a full ugly meltdown, but it could have been more graceful. This particular day, I kind o...

Oh how I love a good book. I always have. This latest book I read in THREE days. Now that's not too common for me unless it's Debbie Macomber or Nora Roberts novel, which those, I can finish in a weekend just by reading in the evenings. I usually have several books (both fiction and non-fiction) on my nightstand, and I'm somewhere in the middle of each. Saints for All Occasions by J. Courtney Sullivan was one I just couldn't put down! It was on the local library's recommended reads shelf one day and as I passed, I grabbed it. I have a love affair with the saints of the church, so anything that incorporates them intrigues me. The next hint that this book was totally for me - a picture of the Miraculous Medal was on the inside cover. Mary's my girl. Within the first few pages I was hooked. I fell in love with the novel's Irish Catholic sisters, Nora and Theresa. And yes my beloved saints of the church made multiple appearances in such beautiful everyd...

Do you ever feel like there is a monster inside of you? Maybe it's turmoil. Maybe it's a toxic inner voice that won't be quiet. Maybe it's anger. Maybe it's sadness. Maybe it's anxiety. Hey, it's spring, maybe it's the Mucinex mascot in there. Ha! I think each person's monster is different, and sometimes it's a whole troop of them in there. This week I was pondering my monsters. The one that reminds me I lack perfection - that I've messed up and beats me up for every little non-perfect thing. The one that gets easily irritated when overtired, hot, stressed or hangry. The one that can be curt sometimes. The one that overeats to soothe. The one that is conflicted and second guesses. The one that worries too much. I think the monsters that have been bothering me the most of late are the last two. The one that worries too much. The one that feels disheartened. The one that is conflicted. The one that feels confused. Why are you sad, O my...