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Word of the Year 2020

"For last year's words belong to last year's language. And next year's words await another voice." - T.S. Eliot.



I've been pondering my word of the year for 2020 with my trusty coffee cup in hand. Contentment keeps rising to the top. Last year was conquer. I recall a previous year being create. I think I might have a thing for words beginning with C. We'll see if the trend continues next year.

I always ponder the definition of the word before I settle 100% on it. I mull it around, pray about it and discern if it's where the Holy Spirit leading me.

Contentment  -  /kənˈtentmənt/

noun
a state of happiness and satisfaction

Yes, indeed, contentment is the word for 2020!

Looking back, little did I realize what conquer would bring my way in 2019. It was a perfectly placed word for so many reasons. I learned so much about about myself in 2019, and oh did I conquer quite a few things.

I conquered turning 40! I was finally honest with myself and did something about a life long issue that has caused much havoc in my life. More on that in the 2020. I think I'm finally ready to write about it. I said no to a few freelance projects that just didn't fit for me. That one is a big one. I'm a long time people pleaser and saying no when I really want to is hard for me. As a family, we survived navigating type 1 diabetes, crappy insurance and the high cost of insulin and medical care costs another year. We made it through major eye issues for Coach Man, plus an unexpected surgery and long recovery. And even in the midst of all of the above, we paid off more debt. The kids are doing well in school and their extra activities. We're in a good place as we close the book on the past year. And none of it was us, I give all the glory to God, because I have no clue how we did any of it.

In all the conquering in 2019, I learned something so valuable. Happiness isn't something to be chased, something that is always in the far off distance that you continually look towards. It's not the next big thing, or when this hurdle or that hurdle is jumped. It's right now. It's everyday life exactly as it is right now.

How did I come to that? Well, yes, I'm continually seeking glimmers of simple delight in the everyday... it's kind of my thing, but I'm human just like you, and I pine for my next big thing too. My hopes and dreams. My heart's desires. The things that would make my life perfect. Oh, did God have big lessons for me in 2019.

Almost two years ago we moved. It was an interesting move for all of us. We'd laid down roots in our former town, and we were happy. However, Coach Man was driving quite a distance to work, and it didn't really matter for my job where we lived. Plus, we were homeschooling at the time and so upsetting that apple cart wasn't in the mix either. It really was the perfect time for a change, and we loved the idea of being able to see more of Coach Man!

However, when he brought up moving in early 2018 to my childhood hometown of all places (which he had always said nope, no way before), I had mixed emotions. I should have been elated, but I wasn't. I loved our house and our small town. I loved our life. I loved our friends.

The move was hard for me. It took me months to adjust. Maybe I still am. Our new townhouse is cute and so conveniently located, but it isn't a house. We had good reasons for renting the townhouse and it was the right decision as we settled into the new area but, I struggled with it. Maybe part pride and what I considered perfect in my head.

I was slow to decorate and settle in because surely we would be able to buy soon and find our new home. But then life happened, as it so often does. We had some major medical hurdles for Coach Man and some major expenses in 2018 and 2019. We survived it all by the grace of God, but there were days in the trenches where I wondered if this was our new reality forever and my house dreams were in the toilet.

But...

'Tis a gift to be simple,
'Tis a gift to be free,
'Tis a gift to come down
Where we ought to be
And when we find ourselves
In a place that's right
'Twill be in the valley
Of love and delight.

- Nineteenth Century Shaker Hymn

So  what's the moral of the story and the fruits of my 2019 word of the year? Getting out of my own way. Letting go of perfect in those small areas of my life where I was still so tightly holding on to perfection. Getting back to the basics. Appreciating today. Right now. The single authentic moments. They are oh so essential to our happiness and joy. There's delight in all of them - even the hard moments. How can I see it like that? Because I've lived it - time and time again. There is always something to be gleaned. Some small sliver of joy or promise. And sometimes amazing big moments of awe that take your breath away.

I'm excited to see where my word - contentment - takes me over the next 366 days (yep, peeps, it's a leap year in 2020, so use that single extra day wisely)!

Cheers to the simple everyday moments. The imperfect moments. The imperfect lives WE ALL lead. Yep, even you. I see you over there still holding on to perfect. Let it go, girl. Let it go. Find your valley of love and delight.

Cheers to our hopes and dreams too. They have a place. Just don't let them overtake and spoil the gift of today.

- Jen

P.S. Looking for your own word of the year? Jen Fulwiler's word of the year generator is a fun tool. She has a saint of the year generator as well. I love pairing my word of the year with a saint of the year. Last year was St. Therese of Lisieux. This year I think it shall be St. Ignatius of Loyola. Comment and tell me your word and saint of the year.

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