I can't. You can. I'm going to let you.
This has been my daily prayer over the past year. I was exhausted from trying to always be in control, to be what or who I felt everyone wanted me to be, to "fix" everything for everyone around me and always feeling like I was fighting an uphill battle. And that hill was pretty much a series of overgrown mountains, and I was wearing flip flops.
I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I've got flaws. Did you gasp? Ha! I can see my sister nodding her head right now - saying oh yes she does! Yep, I've got them, just like all of us. It's called being human. I'm just finally willing to talk about them.
I'm a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist. A perfectionist that couldn't perfect herself no matter how hard she tried over the years. I struggle with negative self-talk. I hate to feel like I've failed at anything. I beat myself up over it. Over the course of my life, I've let fear and worry slip in way too much. I thought I could control everything in my life, if I just tried and worked hard enough.
A year ago, I hit a wall. I can't say it was rock bottom, but I was tired of being tired. Tired of self-soothing with food. Tired of the negative self-talk. Tired of attempting to fix everything and fighting battles that weren't even mine to fight.
In that deep tiredness, two roads diverged (I couldn't resist a Robert Frost reference - he's my fav!), the same path I had always chosen day in and day out, the one that got me to all that tiredness, or the other path, one of vulnerability, a much longer, winding path, but a path of great beauty, grace, interesting finds along the way and healing.
Peeps, sometimes the smallest step ends up being the biggest step of your life. Actively choosing vulnerability, seeking God's plan for my life and quietly listening for the whispers of the Holy Spirit has helped me let go of the picture in my head of how I thought life should be, how I thought I should be and truly find joy in the woman that I am right now and the life I am living right now, right this very moment.
I've always been good at savoring the simple delightstruck around me, but not so good at savoring the delightstruck within me.
Over the last year, I've learned I really want to continue to discover that woman God always intended me to be. To find delightstruck within myself. I want to continue to let go and let Him have at it. Less of me, more of Him. It turns out I am really digging the woman He is revealing to me bit by bit.
I want to deal with life on life's terms (with a dose of prayer) and try not to control everything! I just can't and be sane. It's exhausting and you just spin your wheels. Besides, God's got it. He really does.
I'm so enjoying this new more vulnerable state, raw honesty with myself and authenticity. Watching the Holy Spirit's movement in my life is pure delightstruck and leaves me in awe daily.
I'm loving what God is stirring up within me and the things He is stirring up all around me, because it's so not me.
I've found when I cooperate with the Holy Spirit, even the hard of life loses it's power over me, as well as, my old go-tos, fear and worry. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control come easier. There's just something about those fruits of the spirit, isn't there?
As my baby girl said to me one day recently, "It's just everyday life, Mama." Yep, sometimes the Holy Spirit nudges us through cute little elementary school dancing queens.
It's just everyday life, every single day, and we're not walking the path alone. There is always going to be hard things, but there'll will be joy too. Even in the hard.
However, life is too short not to be the real you and to find simple beauty and delight in that.
I recently heard someone reference all the "North Stars" that God has sent into her life. I like thinking about it that way. People, words, songs, nature - all perfectly placed, and just when you need it - don't ignore the North Stars. They are the whispers and nudges of the Holy Spirit.
So glad a North Star nudged me almost a year ago to gaze down that other path and consider taking a long beautiful walk. It's made all the difference.
This has been my daily prayer over the past year. I was exhausted from trying to always be in control, to be what or who I felt everyone wanted me to be, to "fix" everything for everyone around me and always feeling like I was fighting an uphill battle. And that hill was pretty much a series of overgrown mountains, and I was wearing flip flops.
I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I've got flaws. Did you gasp? Ha! I can see my sister nodding her head right now - saying oh yes she does! Yep, I've got them, just like all of us. It's called being human. I'm just finally willing to talk about them.
I'm a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist. A perfectionist that couldn't perfect herself no matter how hard she tried over the years. I struggle with negative self-talk. I hate to feel like I've failed at anything. I beat myself up over it. Over the course of my life, I've let fear and worry slip in way too much. I thought I could control everything in my life, if I just tried and worked hard enough.
A year ago, I hit a wall. I can't say it was rock bottom, but I was tired of being tired. Tired of self-soothing with food. Tired of the negative self-talk. Tired of attempting to fix everything and fighting battles that weren't even mine to fight.
In that deep tiredness, two roads diverged (I couldn't resist a Robert Frost reference - he's my fav!), the same path I had always chosen day in and day out, the one that got me to all that tiredness, or the other path, one of vulnerability, a much longer, winding path, but a path of great beauty, grace, interesting finds along the way and healing.
Peeps, sometimes the smallest step ends up being the biggest step of your life. Actively choosing vulnerability, seeking God's plan for my life and quietly listening for the whispers of the Holy Spirit has helped me let go of the picture in my head of how I thought life should be, how I thought I should be and truly find joy in the woman that I am right now and the life I am living right now, right this very moment.
I've always been good at savoring the simple delightstruck around me, but not so good at savoring the delightstruck within me.
Over the last year, I've learned I really want to continue to discover that woman God always intended me to be. To find delightstruck within myself. I want to continue to let go and let Him have at it. Less of me, more of Him. It turns out I am really digging the woman He is revealing to me bit by bit.
I want to deal with life on life's terms (with a dose of prayer) and try not to control everything! I just can't and be sane. It's exhausting and you just spin your wheels. Besides, God's got it. He really does.
I'm so enjoying this new more vulnerable state, raw honesty with myself and authenticity. Watching the Holy Spirit's movement in my life is pure delightstruck and leaves me in awe daily.
I'm loving what God is stirring up within me and the things He is stirring up all around me, because it's so not me.
I've found when I cooperate with the Holy Spirit, even the hard of life loses it's power over me, as well as, my old go-tos, fear and worry. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control come easier. There's just something about those fruits of the spirit, isn't there?
As my baby girl said to me one day recently, "It's just everyday life, Mama." Yep, sometimes the Holy Spirit nudges us through cute little elementary school dancing queens.
It's just everyday life, every single day, and we're not walking the path alone. There is always going to be hard things, but there'll will be joy too. Even in the hard.
However, life is too short not to be the real you and to find simple beauty and delight in that.
I recently heard someone reference all the "North Stars" that God has sent into her life. I like thinking about it that way. People, words, songs, nature - all perfectly placed, and just when you need it - don't ignore the North Stars. They are the whispers and nudges of the Holy Spirit.
So glad a North Star nudged me almost a year ago to gaze down that other path and consider taking a long beautiful walk. It's made all the difference.
- Jen
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