DelightStruck

His pick up line was, "What's up?" But really he had me at the backwards football hat, the twinkle in his eye and the cocky swagger. It didn't matter that his line was cheesy or that he had horrible late 90s frosted tip "guylights" under that cap (when was that ever a good choice). It was love at first sight, and my heart knew it.  It was the moment my mother had always told me would come. I remember sitting with her in my early teens as she gardened and asking her, but HOW will I know when my Mr. Right comes along? HOW?! She knowingly said, you'll just know. It will feel different. Your gut will let you know. Marriage is a calling and God has someone picked out just for you, but all in His time. She advised that she prayed for each of her children and their future spouses, and God had it handled. Sigh. Why do we always want to fast track things when we're in our teens?!  I was always a romantic dreamer. Plus, I always knew I wanted to be a wife, a m...

I think the one thing I love about this odd year is that it's put me more in tune with the everydayness of God. The breeze, change of the seasons, the twinkle in a loved one's eye when they smile, the melody of music, the way a warm coffee cup feels, random kindness, the flicker of a candle, the faint church bells everyday at noon... I could go on forever, but you get it... the small everyday things.  The forced slower pace of this year of Covid, hasn't been all bad. I've found such peace in the simple everyday. Things you can count on. Things to savor. Things that are cozy. Things to be in awe of and things to embrace. It's easy to see God in good and in beauty of life, but finding God even in the muck of life is so more blissful, peeps. Just maybe all the busy and the stuff of life don't really matter all that much. Just maybe it's the simple everyday that matters more. Maybe in focusing more on the the everyday moments our life and being truly present, ou...

 "Jackasses come in all sizes and genders," she said to me over the phone, as I described my afternoon. Yes, but sometimes my inner Pollyanna forgets, and I'm caught off guard and left rather pissed.  That's exactly where I found myself on a lackluster Friday. Cornered by a jackass hell bent on putting me in my place with as many demeaning words as he could muster up.  Deep breath. After I let the anger go and a deep desire for a comfort sweet, I prayed for grace, even in this, and pondered why do some individuals so easily lean into their inner jackass and just let it fly routinely?  A horrible childhood? Parents who didn't parent and say knock that shit off early on? Maybe they thrive on dominance? Maybe preconceived opinions or prejudices come into play? Possibly overcompensation for deep-rooted insecurities?  I settled on fear.  The surge of power in demeaning someone all leads back to fear. And fear comes from within. It motivates people to do the stra...

My nephew texted earlier this week and asked if he could interview me for a homework project. Little did I know the question coming wasn't an easy one, and it would bring tears and hard memories. He said he was supposed to ask someone over 30 and not his parents about the biggest challenge in their life. I advised I'd need a bit to think on that. It didn't take long. I was able to pinpoint it easily. Infertility. Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I never knew it wouldn't come easy. Coach Man and I struggled for five years to have a child. During our struggle, I often couldn't understand why God was withholding my heart's desires and how other women, made a choice, and just threw away the gift of motherhood like no biggie. What I would have given for that child that they didn't want. Hey, girl, over here! Give it to me. I'll love the heck out of that baby! Really, I will. During those years, all I could see around me was pregnan...

I can't. You can. I'm going to let you. This has been my daily prayer over the past year. I was exhausted from trying to always be in control, to be what or who I felt everyone wanted me to be, to "fix" everything for everyone around me and always feeling like I was fighting an uphill battle. And that hill was pretty much a series of overgrown mountains, and I was wearing flip flops. I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. I've got flaws. Did you gasp? Ha! I can see my sister nodding her head right now - saying oh yes she does! Yep, I've got them, just like all of us. It's called being human. I'm just finally willing to talk about them. I'm a recovering people-pleasing perfectionist. A perfectionist that couldn't perfect herself no matter how hard she tried over the years. I struggle with negative self-talk. I hate to feel like I've failed at anything. I beat myself up over it. Over the course of my life, I've let f...